you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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