Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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