You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
