At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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