The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
