I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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