You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
