he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
