You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
