I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
