I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
