I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
