ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
