don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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