i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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