I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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