So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
