you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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