She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
