He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
