after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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