i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
