I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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