when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
