operation harelip BJ is a go
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
