OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
