she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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