he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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