call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
