I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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