get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
love makes seman taste better
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
