My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
