What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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