It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
