Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
