hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
