My cat gives me a boner
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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