Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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