i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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