If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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