I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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