when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
