in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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