Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
