i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
