Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
