I think I am morally bankrupt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
