Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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