Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
