Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
