Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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