U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
