she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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