My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
