Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
