You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
