What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
