somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
